It has been a hard week. One definition of hard is “requiring a great deal of endurance or effort”. I felt like I have been pushing a rope (to quote my father) which is a tough thing to do. Realizing that most of my woes were in the material realm, I have truly tried to laugh them off. The desire to be light-hearted was there but the muscle to walk it out well... well, I have been lousy at it.
It started with our GPS (which I love because I am greatly map challenged) being stolen in broad day light from our co-op. It then led to Beatrice’s new purple Crocs being stolen right in front of her sweet eyes as we played at the beach. Followed by a parking ticket after I emerged from a prayer meeting, (I did laugh out loud at that one then shook my fists). A trip to the walk in clinic for an aching jaw which then proceeded to me getting a referral to a dermatologist for a biopsy for 2 new unassuming moles on the bottom of my toes. Well that one started to press on me. Hard. Another hard, googling “what do new moles on your feet mean?” Yikes!!!
Fear was awakening in me again. It has been a sleeping giant in my life for most of my days. He was roaring loudly. Dread was dragging me under. The slippery slope for me was fast approaching.
The next hit (that sent me into a pit of self-loathing) was when I opened up my monthly Master card statement. Usually this doesn't freak me out. Since I have started my new job (God’s miracle for Joanne at Harmony Dental Studio) Andrew and I have committed to not using our credit cards. We are taking up the daunting challenge to get out of debt. Our cards have been for special cases only. I use mine at Great Canadian superstore to get the points which at Christmas time I use to buy all my Christmas goodies and baking needs. Back to the point. I open the bill and almost fall over. I felt ill, truly ill. Someone had gone shopping on my card!
To shorten this story my card was no longer in my wallet and someone had access to my pin (how, I have no idea) and was taking large daily amounts of cash on my card. The securities operator on the Mastercard hotline was of very little help to me due to the reason that the thief had my card and my pin and it seemed unlikely that the fraudulent spending would be reversed. I sat on the phone with this stranger and openly wept. $8400 was something my husband and I could not pay back. It wasn't me. I did not do this. I felt abandoned and violated. I questioned the whys, which are never helpful. Was this pay back time for me? I felt out of control and instead of praying for guidance and taking deep breathes and doing knee bends and trying to speak truth, I fled on my bike and cried and sweated out to God.
I wish I could report that all was lifted as I worked my way through the gravel dike pathways but it didn't. I did however return to one of my favourite Psalms, number 18. Verse 6. “In my distress I called upon the Lord and cried to my God. He heard my voice out of his temple and my cry came before Him into His very ears. Verse 16 He reached from on high, He took me and drew me out of many waters (in the message version it states sea of hate)and He delivered me from my strong enemy and from those who hated and abhorred me, for they were too strong for me, And then verse18 they confronted and came upon me in the day of my calamity , but the Lord was my stay and my support He brought me forth also into spacious places. He was delivering me because He was pleased with me and delighted in me.“
He was and IS pleased with me. He delights in me. Does yucky stuff like stolen Crocs and parking tickets, biopsies and theft happen? Sadly yes. Will justice reign on planet earth? Maybe not. But I will choose to declare You Lord are my Rock and my Fortress and my deliverer. You are my keen and firm strength and my shield. The horn of my salvation and my high tower.
I will still ask for mercy and abundance of health as I obediently go to my doctor appointment for the biopsy on Friday July 3rd at 9:15am. I pray that these moles or just that, moles and nothing more. I pray that the charges for our card will get fully 100% covered and that our family does not have to carry the weight of this bill. I pray that my faith would increase, the truth would prevail in my heart and mind, and that I would boldly speak the word of God to myself and let that ooze onto the lives of my children. That I would walk my journey well, whatever it looks like, and that I would live as someone who knows that the creator of the universe delights in her.
And I pray I would forgive the person who stole our GPS and that I would learn to read a map J. Thank you God that north is mountains and west is water the south is the USA and east is where my beloved family and friends are. May you know His goodness and love for you personally this summer.