Deep breaths and deep knee bends were my father’s cure for sickness. What it really did was take your mind off your upset tummy and help you think about something else. As a child I would be touching my toes in tears as my father would remind me to do just one more. His knowing presence calmed me; that I would be okay as I exhaled. Even if I had to lunge to the bathroom, eventually I would be okay, and this too would pass.
That morning, and the days before my appointment to see the specialist for the moles on my foot, I did a lot of deep breathing. I cried a lot and I listened to music a lot more than I have in a while. Worship before battle. My mind was in a battle and I knew it. I would join in with Kari Jobe's "Forever" as I washed dishes, clinging to the sink, knowing the Lamb has overcome.
In that particular worship session, God reminded me of a picture that I was familiar with. This, interesting enough, would be my third time watching this same home movie. It was a knight on a horse charging forth in battle. I could see things being cut down like one would swipe the heads off dandelions with the fluff spraying around. The path was straight and the knight determined. I also knew there were others following after; almost tethered to the rider. Forward forward forward heaving with battle, and joy. The warrior finally removed its armour and to my amazement once again, it was me.
Andrew came with me to my appointment, which I appreciated so very much. His presence was calming as we travelled up in the elevator and as we walked to doctor’s office. It was surreal.
The dermatologist was young; a young woman with a kind face. She knew about my moles and we discussed why my doctor had sent me, and the reason for such alarm with the placement of these moles. "Let's take a look" she said. I didn't want a biopsy. I wanted the news to be so dull that it wouldn't even be needed. That is how I was praying, and I knew that is what others were praying as well.
“These look fine" as she put her fancy magnifying glass away. I let out my breath and broke into tears. Thank you thank you thank you. "We won't need to biopsy these." "Are you sure?" I stammered. "Yup. I am sure and I will tell you why." The kind young doctor then informed us of the abcde of moles and importance of a yearly check-up because melanoma is on the rise. I did my best to stay present but I was having trouble knowing that I had a new lease at life.
Yes, this may sound drastic for some, but the journey of waiting, then going, and then hearing her say that it wasn't cancer!!! That was such a battle for me. All I can speak of is my journey through what I feared. It sounds simple and probably trite but I found myself examining my life and stumbling forward. Thank you for your prayers for my preparation for this journey of mine to this point. I am certain there will be other roads of preparation for me, and my journey continues, bumps and dark corners and all. Yet! There are brilliant moments of beauty. Deep breaths refocusing your vision and heart to what matters. Jesus, there in those moments. At times I did not see Him and I felt that I did not hear Him but I clung to the truth that He is with me always.
The Lamb has overcome. If I had to have a biopsy, He has overcome. If it went the way I feared, He has overcome. Forever He is gloried. Forever He is lifted high. Forever He is risen. He is alive.